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Location: Bangalore, India

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Discontent Butterfly

These days I am a constant hauler of monotony, frustration. I cannot speak, walk or even laugh without boring someone, turning stale, withering away in a trail of clichéd desperation, or performing my favorite art – I (we) call it cribbing. Ah art it is!

The familiarity of conscious despair is often back, but the dryness of my throat has lost all meaning. By itself the constant intonation of this world has not served to elevate me to any glorified pedestal of absolution. As I think about my problems more, and how little I have grown in the past few years, I feel indefinitely disgusted, rejected by myself.

I look at myself in this mirror of gross introspection and see a pathetic little caterpillar deluding itself into thinking melodrama and anguish more and more. This will transform it into a pretty but scared and discontent butterfly. Observe - I cannot even ridicule myself without resorting to hackneyed metaphors!

Platitudes, platitudes all of them. I fool myself into thinking I am anxious about my future, miserable about the way I live. I'm so good at lying to myself I have perfected the art of excuse, forgiving mortal sins against myself without the flinch of a stomach muscle, deliberately sabotaging some of the (potentially) better negotiations in my life.

Am I really that hopelessly self-destructive, or do I just like the attention? I do not know.
It feels as if the desert wind has already sucked my life clean of energy, passion and even dreams.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Vivek Agarwal said...

this is a good article , par the prob i sincerely feel is,it's scatttered..means ek direction nahi hai..ki ne one can take some input from it or can connect it to him/her...........needs to be more centered.
But really i feel ki u r a "Dreamz Unlimited" kinda person.......

cheers buddy!!!!

July 19, 2006 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 01, 2006 3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon ur blog .. this one is suggestive of the kind of identity crisis which ur currently going thru..I might be wrong also .. but I have also gone through such turbulence at some point of time. What I have realized is that in every situation there are two things u can do .. let the situation take control of you or you take things in your hand .. keep trying things do improve .. and believe me life is much more than just the few months we have been out of college .. enjoi .. every thing boils down how much happy you are ..

...ur's friend

September 10, 2006 10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didnt find thing that i need... :-(
msn

November 24, 2006 8:45 PM  
Anonymous Arpit said...

hello..
Am Arpit.. i write a tech blog http://technicalbliss.blogspot.com
Can we exchange link? If yes, add me in you blogroll and drop a msg on my blog.. i will add you in my blog roll..
Thanks..

December 16, 2006 12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

December 16, 2006 12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 30, 2007 4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

February 01, 2007 1:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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February 08, 2007 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

February 16, 2007 2:43 AM  
Blogger Pavan Kulkarni said...

Thats precisely been happening to me too.. but recently I sort of found a solution.. or so I think.. Its all about you being in the comfort zone.. when you are out of it, probably you start growing at an insane pace.. you start forming philosophies etc.. its very interesting.. when was the last time you were out of comfort zone?

April 05, 2007 11:10 PM  
OpenID peerlessdeepak said...

Wonderful.!~ I enjoyed it

November 19, 2008 7:57 PM  

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